明天去面对 (原创天地)  1058次阅读

作者: 小活 , 发表于: 2016-11-22 (2715天前)

现在每天早上都对着床头的合影看，冲着照片里的爸爸微笑一下，然后开始新的一天。感觉爸爸还在，只是我没去联系，感觉只要我打个电话，就可以再和爸爸聊聊天，感觉只要我买张机票回家，就可以再看到爸爸。
心里稍稍有点难过，我就会强力控制住自己，突然选择性地忘记那失去的季节，任性地不去想，不去回望那一段让人心碎的时光。

在海洋公园收到同事的留言，年初他突然被解雇，在公司连续工作３０多年了，却突然离开。一直不知道怎么联系，不知道怎么说安慰的话，就想等等再等等，等他一切都好起来再问候一下。可留言响起，却是他在安慰我。人潮拥挤中，热泪一下子就涌出来。他说他前年刚刚经历过，他说他可以理解我，他说他那还有些这方面的书如果我需要。

回来我一直没有回电话，这不象我的性格，我从来不会这么失礼，可是我没有勇气打这个电话。我很怕，很怕和人正式谈论这个话题，我的心还很脆弱，不愿意去面对，不愿意去清醒地承认。
生活中，我甚至都不能提爸爸，可妈妈总是和我说爸爸，我就默默地听着，心象针扎的，可我不能说。我得陪妈妈渡过这段非常时期，我总想把自己藏在真空里，就可以保鲜，把和爸爸在人间的联系保鲜，所有的触摸都是有温度的，所有的问候都是有声波在震动的。我知道，不是我真正乐观勇敢，而是我把自己藏在壳儿里，不愿意去面对真相。

还有以前的经理，一直想让我跳到他们部门，年初要求我去面视，却没有给我那个职位，让我很尴尬，但也很庆幸可以留在这个轻闲的职位。八月从中国回来，那经理手下另一个supervisor联系我告诉我又在招人，希望我申请。这次我拒绝了。但一直觉得于心不忍。所以中秋节时候买了月饼表示感谢。

Dear nn

Good morning!!

Last Thursday, it was Chinese Moon Festival, I bought some moon cakes to share with my colleagues and had a small case specially for you. But you left early that day, I didn’t catch the time to talk to you.

Friday, my son had an emergency, I left early, I didn’t get chance to talk to you again.

I should talk to you much earlier, but because I just lost my father, I was afraid that I couldn’t hold my tears while talking to you! Sorry for the delay!

Please accept my deep heart appreciation for the opportunity Da and An mentioned to me and apologize that I didn’t go forward!!

I tried to talk to you just now, but you were not in your office, so I left the moon cakes on your desk.

I will find another time to say thank you to you in your office.

Best regards!!

小活

以前的经理，给我回信

Hello Xiao huo,

First of all, I hope your son is okay. Second, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I lost my mother in 2014, so I understand how painful it is to even think about it, especially when the loss is so recent. I also certainly understand your decision not to pursue a different position in the midst of the activity surrounding your father’s passing, but we remain very interested in having you join the group and will continue to look for opportunities.

Sincere thanks to you for the treats from the Chinese Moon Festival. I look forward to enjoying them.

Finally, I hope we can find some time to talk in the near future.

Please know that I truly appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness Thank you again.

Best regards,

nn

说去回访，我也一直没有回访。我害怕，我无法控制我的眼泪，总不能在经理的玻璃房子里抹眼泪吧。

两次失礼，明天我必须去面对。趁着感恩节表示感谢,回电话加回访！

也许这段时间我为自己搭建的心理幻象又会坍塌。在感谢别人的关心时，又一次听到感到别人在我柔软伤痕累累的心中宣布：我已经已经永远永远失去了我爱的爸爸，我永远永远不能再看到他了。

写到这都让我泪流满面，让我明天如何有勇气去双重面对？

下班!果果刚发了facetime限我３０分钟到家，明天该面对的明天再说吧。我不想悲伤，我不要不要不要这思念的痛，就不要！！就不要！！